Making time and being intentional about connection (Debugging work in a remote world, part 4)
This is part four of a series on debugging work in a remote world that I am publishing throughout January and February. You can read them as they are released on the Debugging Work newsletter or later when I post them on LinkedIn. Either way, I suggest reflecting on the topic of each short piece for at least a few days and evaluating how your own organization is succeeding or failing in that area.
In part three, I proposed we must find analogs to compensate for our physical aloneness and this requires three things:
Making time
Being intentional
Being vulnerable
A distressing pattern that seems to have gotten much worse during and after the pandemic is a trend toward transactional interactions even in the workplace. Everything is scheduled into multiples of 30 minutes with packed agendas to make the most of our synchronous time. In the pursuit of efficiency, we lose out on serendipity and the casual conversation that is the foundation for human connection.
Consider what happens when a 30 or 60 minute slot isn’t the best one-size-fits-all option? What happens in your team when you get through your scheduled agenda early in a virtual meeting? I’m guessing either someone will prompt the group for new topics or the organizer will say, “Well, I guess we all get 12 minutes back.” I propose that you instead think of this as bonus connection time and that using it for that purpose will be more valuable for the organization than everyone rushing away to finish up one more small task.
I suggest a few simple tactics for sprinkling in connection time:
1. Facilitate buffer time in meetings for casual conversation. One argument for return-to-office mandates is to restore the serendipitous hallway and lunchroom interactions that strengthen relational bonds. For hybrid teams, it is absolutely worthwhile to create space for comparable conversations to happen. This might require you to prompt people with questions or prime conversations with personal anecdotes. It means not falling into the trap of making your video calls completely transactional. Yes, there is important work to do right now, but relationship-building time is worth it in the long run, even if it takes a few extra minutes to get to the “real agenda” of a meeting.
2. Ask a colleague to stay on a call after the agenda concludes. This one can be dicey if it risks some team members feeling excluded, so be mindful before doing this, but asking someone to hang behind for a question is a great replacement for post-meeting hallway conversations. (A text or DM is a less conspicuous option to make the request.)
3. Call someone after the meeting ends. When a meeting wraps up a few minutes early, this is my preferred way of replacing hallway chats with people I already have good relationships with. I’ll call just to debrief, express exacerbation, or hear the other person’s reaction to the meeting outcome.
I’m always happy to try out new tactics so if you have some approaches that work for you, please share!
Regardless of the techniques you choose, you have to be intentional about fostering connection in a remote world. No matter your role, you can take action. Do not wait for company mandates and do not limit yourself to just your direct coworkers. Be a mentor or find a mentor. Join a mastermind group. Go to a local meetup related to your job. Please please please do something other than sitting at home numbing yourself by scrolling through Instagram or TikTok.
From my perspective, an important part of this is also for leaders to understand and support connecting with colleagues this way. I’ve heard concerns that taking time following meetings or in a virtual coffee chat to catch up etc as “distracting someone from being able to work”, as if it’s somehow wasting time or slacking off. Though it isn’t something questioned (in my experience) in an office when you have a quick catch up with a colleague when getting a coffee in the kitchen or passing them in the hall.
I totally agree that we have to be intentional about connecting in remote situations. Even if you’re not waiting for an official shift in company culture, it helps if leaders can view it as a positive especially if there isn’t evidence that it’s negatively impacting an employee’s work. Even from a strictly business perspective, I expect the benefit of improved collaboration that is likely to come from it is worth it. When our colleagues are more than a name on an email or a picture on a zoom call, good things are bound to happen!